Hello friends! I'm back! Sorry for the hiatus in writing...
Here's the latest as we hit the 10 week mark. Our life pretty much goes this way now...
Each week, Dan goes to a combination of Physical, Occupational and Speech Therapy sessions. He also has 2 "classes" a week - one a cognitive therapy class and the other a neuro psych group. He is being extremely cooperative and dedicated to his therapies.
A couple of weeks ago, he had a comprehensive neuro-psych evaluation in which he scored highly in certain areas (yay Dan!) but alarmingly low in others. His neuro doctor told him, after this eval, not to drive or work for some time yet. He wants to do another evaluation in February. So we're in it for quite some time yet. I am very content being the chauffeur, especially when I think about the alternative. And Dan is becoming adept at the bus system in Seattle, making his way to the hospital when I am working and our schedules don't align.
Physically, there is still pain in his rib areas. Soft tissue around the broken ribs will be a problem for a while. Also, there are new aches and pains popping up as he compensates, loses muscle tone, etc. So as one thing may start to feel better another becomes a problem. We are working to get answers and figure our way in, around and through the system to optimize Dan's time and therapy. It's complex and has not quite let up yet. But we are positive and optimistic and more than willing to do the work this will take to get Dan back to where he was before August 11. Dan very much wants to get his body back and be able to do what he used to do.
Work is picking up for me and I am getting busier by the day. This is typical for this time of year. I'm feeling quite weary but making sure to use the weekends to rest. Hanging in there until we can take a vacation in December! Meanwhile, looking for a little weekend retreat sometime soon...
It's been 10 weeks. 2+ months. 70 days. None of those numbers seem huge when I think what happened to Dan.
A couple of nights ago, I met a friend for a drink. She was about a half hour late so I ordered a beer and sat and waited, watching the sun go down and feeling the quiet, the stillness wrap itself around me. People were talking and laughing but not at my table.... I was alone and completely content to be so. I thought about Dan and how glad I was that he was just down the road on the boat. And I felt a wave of fatigue waft over me. It was almost a relief in a weird sort of way because it was so true, so uncomplicated, so lacking in any distractions. Just plain tired.
But we are resilient and determined.
Hope to see some or all of you very soon!
Love,
Irene
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
DAN GETS A PEDICURE!
I never thought I'd see this day.
Pedicures have always been the mysterious realm of the females in our family. Mysterious to Dan, that is. The girls and I occasionally treat ourselves to an hour of foot care, coming home with sparkly toes and soft skin from the knees down. Dan may or may not have understood what we did there, but he did understand that when we came back we were happy and relaxed and so he just accepted it.
Last week Dan mentioned that he is having trouble with one aspect of self-care. He can shave, he can shower, he can take care of most things. But his toes and feet are being neglected. "I can't trim my toenails because my ribs hurt too much to bend over," he said. Plus when he bends over in certain directions, he gets really dizzy and is in danger of falling.
SO. I suggested we go get a pedicure together. He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no. Our brother-in-law, Daniel, is from Brazil and it is common for men there to get manicures and pedicures. It is normal, manly, and just a part of their culture. And he is one of the manliest guys we know.
A few days later, he brought it up. "Let's do it," he said. So I made an appointment and, yesterday, at 3:00 we went to a nail salon in Ballard and sat side by side in the chairs while lovely ladies tended to us. We didn't read trashy magazines or talk about recipes. We just sat there in silence while the ladies trimmed, cleaned, massaged, scrubbed, even gave a hot stone treatment. I glanced over at Dan a few times and he was staring out the window in complete ecstasy.
Oddly enough, there were other guys in there. At one point, of the four chairs available, three were occupied by members of the male species. I was the only female. Weird. I guess our secret is out - pedicures rock.
Dan said not only did his feet feel clean and cared for but his numb right foot enjoyed the massage and circulation that no doubt occurred as a result.
Damn. I guess this is no longer just "me" time anymore. Ah well. When Dan started asking about J-lo and Mark, Jenn and Brad and Angie, and who the hell the Kardashians are, I was worried. But when he started asking about cut and colors and waxing I got downright scared.
Hmmmm.... ladies.... help me out here....
Pedicures have always been the mysterious realm of the females in our family. Mysterious to Dan, that is. The girls and I occasionally treat ourselves to an hour of foot care, coming home with sparkly toes and soft skin from the knees down. Dan may or may not have understood what we did there, but he did understand that when we came back we were happy and relaxed and so he just accepted it.
Last week Dan mentioned that he is having trouble with one aspect of self-care. He can shave, he can shower, he can take care of most things. But his toes and feet are being neglected. "I can't trim my toenails because my ribs hurt too much to bend over," he said. Plus when he bends over in certain directions, he gets really dizzy and is in danger of falling.
SO. I suggested we go get a pedicure together. He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no. Our brother-in-law, Daniel, is from Brazil and it is common for men there to get manicures and pedicures. It is normal, manly, and just a part of their culture. And he is one of the manliest guys we know.
A few days later, he brought it up. "Let's do it," he said. So I made an appointment and, yesterday, at 3:00 we went to a nail salon in Ballard and sat side by side in the chairs while lovely ladies tended to us. We didn't read trashy magazines or talk about recipes. We just sat there in silence while the ladies trimmed, cleaned, massaged, scrubbed, even gave a hot stone treatment. I glanced over at Dan a few times and he was staring out the window in complete ecstasy.
Oddly enough, there were other guys in there. At one point, of the four chairs available, three were occupied by members of the male species. I was the only female. Weird. I guess our secret is out - pedicures rock.
Dan said not only did his feet feel clean and cared for but his numb right foot enjoyed the massage and circulation that no doubt occurred as a result.
Damn. I guess this is no longer just "me" time anymore. Ah well. When Dan started asking about J-lo and Mark, Jenn and Brad and Angie, and who the hell the Kardashians are, I was worried. But when he started asking about cut and colors and waxing I got downright scared.
Hmmmm.... ladies.... help me out here....
Friday, September 30, 2011
7 WEEKS
Hi everyone...
I can't believe another week has gone by since my last post. But when I think about what transpired during the last couple of weeks I guess it makes sense.
Between Dan's appointments, my work and helping Julia move, it's been non-stop for 2 weeks. Today is my first day off since the 18th. And - day "off" is merely a figure of speech! We have things to do today - but we can do them at our own pace.
Dan continues going to his appointments regularly. 2-3 days a week. We have been arranging my work schedule around his appointments so that I can transport him. I have flexibility at work and again, it's wonderful that he is being treated where I work. Makes life a lot less complicated to be sure.
Yesterday he only had two appointments - late morning and early afternoon, and so that I didn't have to leave work or go in late, he rode the bus (including a transfer) on his own yesterday. That's progress! I feel somewhat freed up knowing that he can do that if necessary.
I worked all week last week (M-F) and then over the weekend worked HARD with Julia both days moving her into her new apartment. You know how that goes. I was remembering my first apartment in NYC - some of you have been there - and remembering how it was to move in. But I didn't have to worry about my back or my knees back then (!). And I didn't fall into bed feeling like I had been hit by a truck at the end of the day.
It was a wonderful weekend - happy to see Julia flapping her wings. We both missed Dan who would have been lending his muscle to the weekend but we did it. Picked up furniture from friends who were cleaning out, took things out of our storage unit which is now amazingly empty, went to Goodwill for the rest.
Then, on Monday, we were back at the hospital for Dan who had 3 appointments and I worked while he was there, putting in a full day. Then, worked Tuesday, Weds, Thursday. Sometime Tuesday night I started getting dizzy as I turned over in bed. The room was spinning like crazy, making me feel nauseated on top of it, but I couldn't get out of bed because of the spins. I have had low-grade to severe dizziness ever since. I feel completely exhausted. I think it's just all catching up with me.
So I'm home today taking it easy. Slept last night from 9:30 to 10 this morning (after a nap when I got home!). Today we have a few things to do but I am determined to rest. It's gorgeous - sunny, clear, fall day. I want to go sit on the beach, walk - if I don't get too dizzy - eat out, etc. Just take a little vacation.
Dan is on board with it. He knows that I have hit the wall.
But on the whole, life is good. We are grateful for Dan's progress and the care he is getting. Grateful for our daughters' success. Sarah is working on the next phase of her life and Julia is very busy and happy in school getting her CNA and enjoying "nesting" in her first solo living situation. We are, as always, grateful for our family and friends and all that has surrounded us and held us up during these past 7 weeks.
I want to write thank you notes - this is the longest I've ever gone without responding in writing to those who have done so much for us. It's humbling. I have forgotten - or not been able to acknowledge birthdays. But I am thinking of you all and again, so, so grateful.
I guess I'm not superwoman after all...
:)
Irene
I can't believe another week has gone by since my last post. But when I think about what transpired during the last couple of weeks I guess it makes sense.
Between Dan's appointments, my work and helping Julia move, it's been non-stop for 2 weeks. Today is my first day off since the 18th. And - day "off" is merely a figure of speech! We have things to do today - but we can do them at our own pace.
Dan continues going to his appointments regularly. 2-3 days a week. We have been arranging my work schedule around his appointments so that I can transport him. I have flexibility at work and again, it's wonderful that he is being treated where I work. Makes life a lot less complicated to be sure.
Yesterday he only had two appointments - late morning and early afternoon, and so that I didn't have to leave work or go in late, he rode the bus (including a transfer) on his own yesterday. That's progress! I feel somewhat freed up knowing that he can do that if necessary.
I worked all week last week (M-F) and then over the weekend worked HARD with Julia both days moving her into her new apartment. You know how that goes. I was remembering my first apartment in NYC - some of you have been there - and remembering how it was to move in. But I didn't have to worry about my back or my knees back then (!). And I didn't fall into bed feeling like I had been hit by a truck at the end of the day.
It was a wonderful weekend - happy to see Julia flapping her wings. We both missed Dan who would have been lending his muscle to the weekend but we did it. Picked up furniture from friends who were cleaning out, took things out of our storage unit which is now amazingly empty, went to Goodwill for the rest.
Then, on Monday, we were back at the hospital for Dan who had 3 appointments and I worked while he was there, putting in a full day. Then, worked Tuesday, Weds, Thursday. Sometime Tuesday night I started getting dizzy as I turned over in bed. The room was spinning like crazy, making me feel nauseated on top of it, but I couldn't get out of bed because of the spins. I have had low-grade to severe dizziness ever since. I feel completely exhausted. I think it's just all catching up with me.
So I'm home today taking it easy. Slept last night from 9:30 to 10 this morning (after a nap when I got home!). Today we have a few things to do but I am determined to rest. It's gorgeous - sunny, clear, fall day. I want to go sit on the beach, walk - if I don't get too dizzy - eat out, etc. Just take a little vacation.
Dan is on board with it. He knows that I have hit the wall.
But on the whole, life is good. We are grateful for Dan's progress and the care he is getting. Grateful for our daughters' success. Sarah is working on the next phase of her life and Julia is very busy and happy in school getting her CNA and enjoying "nesting" in her first solo living situation. We are, as always, grateful for our family and friends and all that has surrounded us and held us up during these past 7 weeks.
I want to write thank you notes - this is the longest I've ever gone without responding in writing to those who have done so much for us. It's humbling. I have forgotten - or not been able to acknowledge birthdays. But I am thinking of you all and again, so, so grateful.
I guess I'm not superwoman after all...
:)
Irene
Thursday, September 22, 2011
SIX WEEKS TODAY!
When I tell people it's been 6 weeks since the accident, some say "wow! that was fast!" I know what they mean. At times, even to me, it feels impossible that six weeks have passed. But what I really want to say is, "Sez you..." It's been a very long six weeks. And we are now in that phase where we are looking ahead and see only more appointments, more therapy, a long, slow road to that full recovery they predicted way back when.
Dan is doing okay. His physical injuries are still plaguing him. A couple of days ago, for the first time in this whole ordeal, he said "I'm tired of being in pain." It's the first time he's even come close to complaining. I can't imagine living with pain 24/7 for 6 weeks, can you? Maybe some of you do and therefore have a better sense of what this is like for Dan. But it's easy for those of us around him to forget that just because life is beginning to feel settled in some ways, that doesn't mean that Dan is back to normal. Far from it. Other symptoms have cropped up and we are trying to figure out what has caused them and what to do about them.
It's really important to be an advocate for a loved one in the hospital or dealing with a severe injury or illness. There are so many things that can slip through the cracks or get miscommunicated. A notebook and careful attention is required during any appointment or meeting that you can attend. It's key to work as a member of the team along with doctors, nurses, therapists. It's a group effort bringing the patient back to his or her best. It really is. I don't feel in any way adversarial - just that it is critical to be on your toes at all times. It can be exhausting, but it is necessary.
Tim (Dan's brother) is visiting this week. It's so good to have him here! Dan and his siblings lost their mother a couple of years ago so, on that side of the family, it's just the siblings left. I think Dan's accident was a wake up call for a lot of people as to how precious this all is. Tim and Dan are hanging out while I'm at work and later today they are coming over for Dan's therapies. I'll see them in between work stuff and then we'll all leave a bit early today so I can get them back to the marina when Dan is finished. Again, it's good to have Tim here. No agenda, no plans, just two brothers hanging out together. When does that happen anymore??!!
Julia started school yesterday so she is now officially off duty. Her prime responsibility is to focus on a very demanding quarter - 20 credits! - at the end of which she will be a Certified Nursing Assistant. She is very excited about this and very organized. I see a determination in her that I haven't seen in a while. This morning, when we were trying to figure out rides later on, Dan wondered if Julia could help out. The answer? "No!" She's no longer available to us and we are going to miss that... she has spoiled us with her devotion, but now it's her turn. Go, Julia, Go!
That's it for now. Life is good. Life is precious. I'll keep you posted as I can and as there are things to report. For now, the plateau reigns supreme..... Happy Hour anyone?
Love,
Irene
Dan is doing okay. His physical injuries are still plaguing him. A couple of days ago, for the first time in this whole ordeal, he said "I'm tired of being in pain." It's the first time he's even come close to complaining. I can't imagine living with pain 24/7 for 6 weeks, can you? Maybe some of you do and therefore have a better sense of what this is like for Dan. But it's easy for those of us around him to forget that just because life is beginning to feel settled in some ways, that doesn't mean that Dan is back to normal. Far from it. Other symptoms have cropped up and we are trying to figure out what has caused them and what to do about them.
It's really important to be an advocate for a loved one in the hospital or dealing with a severe injury or illness. There are so many things that can slip through the cracks or get miscommunicated. A notebook and careful attention is required during any appointment or meeting that you can attend. It's key to work as a member of the team along with doctors, nurses, therapists. It's a group effort bringing the patient back to his or her best. It really is. I don't feel in any way adversarial - just that it is critical to be on your toes at all times. It can be exhausting, but it is necessary.
Tim (Dan's brother) is visiting this week. It's so good to have him here! Dan and his siblings lost their mother a couple of years ago so, on that side of the family, it's just the siblings left. I think Dan's accident was a wake up call for a lot of people as to how precious this all is. Tim and Dan are hanging out while I'm at work and later today they are coming over for Dan's therapies. I'll see them in between work stuff and then we'll all leave a bit early today so I can get them back to the marina when Dan is finished. Again, it's good to have Tim here. No agenda, no plans, just two brothers hanging out together. When does that happen anymore??!!
Julia started school yesterday so she is now officially off duty. Her prime responsibility is to focus on a very demanding quarter - 20 credits! - at the end of which she will be a Certified Nursing Assistant. She is very excited about this and very organized. I see a determination in her that I haven't seen in a while. This morning, when we were trying to figure out rides later on, Dan wondered if Julia could help out. The answer? "No!" She's no longer available to us and we are going to miss that... she has spoiled us with her devotion, but now it's her turn. Go, Julia, Go!
That's it for now. Life is good. Life is precious. I'll keep you posted as I can and as there are things to report. For now, the plateau reigns supreme..... Happy Hour anyone?
Love,
Irene
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DAN
Dan's birthday was yesterday. September 19th. He is 63 years old and we celebrated in a big way. By BIG I don't mean a rip-roaring, wild celebration until the wee hours. I just mean we acknowledged how glad, how grateful, how humbled we are to be able to celebrate this birthday with Dan. It could have been a very different sort of day.
Dan & I had a sweet morning together over coffee. The weather was glorious - a warm, sunny fall day. The kind of day where you know it's not summer - the light is autumnal, the sun is gently warm, but a coat is unnecessary. Perfect. Dan had two therapy appointments which we went to together - or, rather, he went to and I put in a few hours work since I was there.
We had dinner at Aileen's (my sister) apartment. She and Daniel are in Brazil so we had their place at our disposal. Just the four of us and Dan's brother, Kevin. It was quiet and sweet and we were so happy to say...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAN!
Dan & I had a sweet morning together over coffee. The weather was glorious - a warm, sunny fall day. The kind of day where you know it's not summer - the light is autumnal, the sun is gently warm, but a coat is unnecessary. Perfect. Dan had two therapy appointments which we went to together - or, rather, he went to and I put in a few hours work since I was there.
We had dinner at Aileen's (my sister) apartment. She and Daniel are in Brazil so we had their place at our disposal. Just the four of us and Dan's brother, Kevin. It was quiet and sweet and we were so happy to say...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAN!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
5 Weeks and Counting!
Well, today marks 5 weeks since the accident. It is such a weird time warp to think that 5 weeks have gone by. It seems like such a blip on the screen, and yet when I think of those first few days in the ER and ICU, it is ages ago.
We are learning a lot about patience right now. They said their would be plateaus and it seems that we are on one. I think the main thing to wait for in the short term is the rib pain to abate. It just HURTS all the time. Particularly the 3 ribs that are broken in the front (as opposed to the 3 in the back). Once the pain lets up, he will, hopefully, be less tired and less debilitated physically. We were told 6 weeks. Some say 8. I'm shooting for 6 which would mean this time next week he'll be reporting a dramatic change in pain level.
It also seems that as one thing gets better, something else crops up or gets worse. So it's kind of a seesaw right now. But we are content and grateful to be riding it as opposed to other, worse alternatives.
Dan's birthday is Monday. It may not be rip-roaring, but you can bet there will be some serious celebrating in this family. I may even bake a cake. Chocolate Decadence anyone?
Today we came home after Dan's therapies (my boss kicked me out of the office to go play with Dan). We got to the boat, Dan stretched out up forward and slept for a while, and I laid on the couch and read the paper while Julia bustled around, cooking and doing stuff. I realized that it was the first time in weeks that we have just hung out like that with nothing pressing. Every time I thought of something I needed to do, I put it out of my mind and just wrapped myself deeper in the cocoon, relaxing and enjoying the late afternoon light and the quiet.
Nice way to mark the end of the 5th week.
Love,
Irene
We are learning a lot about patience right now. They said their would be plateaus and it seems that we are on one. I think the main thing to wait for in the short term is the rib pain to abate. It just HURTS all the time. Particularly the 3 ribs that are broken in the front (as opposed to the 3 in the back). Once the pain lets up, he will, hopefully, be less tired and less debilitated physically. We were told 6 weeks. Some say 8. I'm shooting for 6 which would mean this time next week he'll be reporting a dramatic change in pain level.
It also seems that as one thing gets better, something else crops up or gets worse. So it's kind of a seesaw right now. But we are content and grateful to be riding it as opposed to other, worse alternatives.
Dan's birthday is Monday. It may not be rip-roaring, but you can bet there will be some serious celebrating in this family. I may even bake a cake. Chocolate Decadence anyone?
Today we came home after Dan's therapies (my boss kicked me out of the office to go play with Dan). We got to the boat, Dan stretched out up forward and slept for a while, and I laid on the couch and read the paper while Julia bustled around, cooking and doing stuff. I realized that it was the first time in weeks that we have just hung out like that with nothing pressing. Every time I thought of something I needed to do, I put it out of my mind and just wrapped myself deeper in the cocoon, relaxing and enjoying the late afternoon light and the quiet.
Nice way to mark the end of the 5th week.
Love,
Irene
Saturday, September 10, 2011
One Month - How Time Flies
Thursday marked one month since the accident. Hard to believe...
There is less and less to report and we are really settling into a rhythm of appointments. This past week they upgraded the schedule, adding more appointments, more days to his rehab. There have been a few setbacks - new (?) symptoms - which we are waiting to hear more about. But lots of forward motion as well.
Dan has lost a lot of weight. People are noticing and commenting on it. He's gonna have to work hard to bulk up when his ribs heal. Meanwhile, full fat milk, ice cream, anything he wants to eat - which he's always been able to do and not gain weight. He keeps fit mostly by working and his daily activities. Never been a "gym" guy. I guess that'll change, at least for a while. I want my MAN back when this is over!
We skyped with our friends in Panama today - that is the prize we are keeping our eyes on - getting down there in December. We are hoping with all our hearts that we can still make that trip. It'll be an R&R trip as opposed to a get up and go trip, which is fine. As long as we can get there.
I am probably going to taper off with the blog pretty soon. I'll post when there is significant news. Does that work for everyone? I've been told by many of you that the blog has been great to follow and keep up with Dan's progress - and I want to continue to provide that. But, as I said, there is less and less big news and more and more of the same.
I also feel able to talk on the phone and do individual emailing now. So feel free to call or write me if you like. Some of you already are. Loving the photos of kids with mohawks and fabulous long emails - kind of reminds me of the days when we wrote letters to each other. They'd come in the mail and we'd savor them over a cup of tea. I loved letters. Miss them still but I'll settle for a long, newsy email.
We have been spoiled by our friends. Dinner brought to the boat, dinner on other peoples' boats. Dinner at Kevin's tonight! Yay! An outing! Lots of love and gifts and cards and thoughtfulness. It's keeping us going still.
I actually let a tear slip this morning over coffee when Dan said something - one of his expressions that is so normal, so common - and I thought to myself, "it is SO good that he is sitting here, saying that, drinking coffee. It's just so normal." I try not to let myself think of what the alternative could have been too often but it does make me appreciate what we have right here, right now.
Love,
Irene
There is less and less to report and we are really settling into a rhythm of appointments. This past week they upgraded the schedule, adding more appointments, more days to his rehab. There have been a few setbacks - new (?) symptoms - which we are waiting to hear more about. But lots of forward motion as well.
Dan has lost a lot of weight. People are noticing and commenting on it. He's gonna have to work hard to bulk up when his ribs heal. Meanwhile, full fat milk, ice cream, anything he wants to eat - which he's always been able to do and not gain weight. He keeps fit mostly by working and his daily activities. Never been a "gym" guy. I guess that'll change, at least for a while. I want my MAN back when this is over!
We skyped with our friends in Panama today - that is the prize we are keeping our eyes on - getting down there in December. We are hoping with all our hearts that we can still make that trip. It'll be an R&R trip as opposed to a get up and go trip, which is fine. As long as we can get there.
I am probably going to taper off with the blog pretty soon. I'll post when there is significant news. Does that work for everyone? I've been told by many of you that the blog has been great to follow and keep up with Dan's progress - and I want to continue to provide that. But, as I said, there is less and less big news and more and more of the same.
I also feel able to talk on the phone and do individual emailing now. So feel free to call or write me if you like. Some of you already are. Loving the photos of kids with mohawks and fabulous long emails - kind of reminds me of the days when we wrote letters to each other. They'd come in the mail and we'd savor them over a cup of tea. I loved letters. Miss them still but I'll settle for a long, newsy email.
We have been spoiled by our friends. Dinner brought to the boat, dinner on other peoples' boats. Dinner at Kevin's tonight! Yay! An outing! Lots of love and gifts and cards and thoughtfulness. It's keeping us going still.
I actually let a tear slip this morning over coffee when Dan said something - one of his expressions that is so normal, so common - and I thought to myself, "it is SO good that he is sitting here, saying that, drinking coffee. It's just so normal." I try not to let myself think of what the alternative could have been too often but it does make me appreciate what we have right here, right now.
Love,
Irene
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